Hubby on dating sites, Mumsnet Discussion

Hubby on dating sites, Mumsnet Discussion

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Spouse on dating sites. 60

Namechanged (there is another whattodonow but it’s not them it’s me, just that I’d better say that to avoid confusion with another poster).

I know it is him because of the description of himself, the area, and he hasn’t even bothered to switch his name or age.

What do you want to do?

Agree with the PP. However, before you confront him, be clear in your own mind what you would like to happen next. That way, you’re in control.

Confront. And if he attempts to deny, minimize, or blame, then you have your response.

I wouldn’t even bother confronting him or discussing it, to me it would be the ultimate betrayal (I could kind of understand falling for a colleague, hurt however I would be)- he’s married to you and casting around the internet (where anyone could see him) for no strings hookup with specific preferences!

If you’ve joined, under an assumed name why don’t you contact him through the site? Or can you access his account and have a look to see if he is communicating with people or just on there oggling? If you know his email password you can send a password reminder to it.

Thanks for replying. What gets me is the ease of which I found him. He hasn’t even had the decency to switch his name or age. He likes rear end style, evidently. Bastard.

I’ve thought of contacting him through the site, matching myself to his preferences, but not sure that I can be bothered. Anyway, from a practical point of view we both share same computer so he’d know it’s me, anyway?

Total deal breaker for me. What’s horrible discovery just before Christmas.

Print off his profile and keep a copy. Screen print it and email a copy to yourself.

Gosh, so sorry for you.

I would just be semi-transparent about it and let him know asap that you know. Mind games and more sniffing around would just complicate things further.

Message withdrawn at poster’s request.

I have been where you are – you will be reeling and in accomplish and utter shock from what he has done. I think whether he has met anyone is an irrelevance, just the looking and sending messages is bad enough – and yep, I read the messages my Double penetration sent and they were utterly cringeworthy and awful.

Jolly santa has given me the thread of an idea.Very first off,it may just be fantasy that he has no intention of carry through.

So you need a (nibble).Embark an online relationship,as soon as you think the time is right,arrange a meet up,arrange to meet him outside a pub or club or somewhere and make sure it’s in a position where you can see but not be seen.

Why should the OP stoop to playing games and operating ‘stings’? His pants are down, his mitt is in the cookie jar, gentlemen of the jury he’s bang out of order. The only tricky part is whether the OP wants to carry on with the relationship, knowing what she knows.

I wasn’t suggesting setting up a honey trap. Just to attempt and see if the account is actively being used.

This happened to me OP. I thought about joining the site, but there were about two profiles he could have been, and I didn’t have the energy for the subterfuge involved, and the possible virginal party who was the other profile etc. Eventually XH admitted it. When I look back, I think it had been going on for a long time, and there were other clues. the wedding ring left off whilst ‘doing a job in the shed’ the extra mobiles ‘I can take a cheap one on holiday’ etc. This for me was the final straw, after years of EA, some DV and he began gas-lighting teenage DD as well.

Two years down the line I am more satisfied without him, and have a fresh fucking partner. Can’t say I miss all his nonsense.

Certainly no games.

Don’t lower yourself to his level playing hide and seek. Showcase him the evidence and then see what he has to say for himself, either way he’s going to have to go, whether you take him back or not is ultimately your choice and shouldn’t be done until you’ve had slew time to determine if you want to still be with him.

Just confront him with the evidence you have. Like others have said he will attempt to wriggle out of it.

",i don’t know why I did it",

Stick around and get to the bottom of it. He could be fair with you and you can work with these issues

Are you even considering not making him fuck off elsewhere for good?

I don’t think all studs behave the same way, but agree that when people are guilty and shoved into a corner, many will lie to buy themselves some time. What tends to separate the wheat from the chaff at that point is what happens next. Some people will tell the truth and others will use the extra time to tell more elaborate lies.

My mate set up the profile as a joke.

Someone’s hacked into our computer but no I won’t phone the police or take the PC for a forensic check.

Yes I created the profile and I’ve been talking to a few people but I would never have met one of them (this usually when there have been ‘talks’ discovered).

I heard that someone we know was on the site and I joined to see if it was true.

Sorry you have made this discovery.

It is clear he has already been out sleeping with other people- the language he is using absolutely is that of someone VERY used to the way the sites work.

He’s specific and to the point. A profile that has very likely evolved over time and through practice.

So be in ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT. he is sleeping with other women. Regularly.

Do not accept any crap from him about ",just nosey",. ",I’ve never met anyone",.

No one ever has such a specific profile unless they know what they are doing.

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