I gave the guys a little dating rough love in my last Huff/Post50 blog, so it’s only fair to give the guys some equal time to speak on the state of the midlife singles scene as they see it.
I dreamed to know how boys feel about dating fellow boomers, so I gathered up a few of my middle-aged man friends, bought them a few beers, and picked their brains about their dating life: the good, bad, and ugly. They were buzzed just enough to let it rip.
Their feedback was insightful, fair, and very real. It was also cringe-worthy, because as a long-time single lady once myself (up until very recently) I made a lot of dating mistakes, and at times I felt they were describing me.
Now I know what you damsels are thinking: By the time you’re post 50, everyone is bitter, jaded, or hardened — especially about dating — so why should I listen? These guys are very likely all a bunch of sorry-ass losers who’ve struck out at love and know nothing.
Yeah, some have struck out, but who hasn’t? If you’re single and 50+ years old, you’ve most likely seen it all, done it all, dated it all, and chances are, have a bad attitude about it all. Join the club! Everyone in the 50-something dating pool has had their fair share of hookups, breakups, and fuck ups, and that’s a good thing. It makes you human.
The truth is, dating in your 50s can gargle sometimes, but it doesn’t have to suck.
In fact, midlife can be a good time to be single, and my man friends here agree. These are nice guys, not shallow, not players, they’re looking for LOVE, not games, not one-nighters, junior chicks, or the fatter, better deal. They’re looking for wise, substantial, age-appropriate women who know who the Beatles are.
In other words, they want women like YOU. So ladies, if you’re listening, take note.
Note to the studs: This stuff works both ways, so listen up.
“I actually choose dating women my own age because we have a common base of things to relate to, talk about, laugh at, or commiserate over. Women my age ‘get it.’ Very little gets lost in translation. Put it this way, if a woman isn’t familiar with Woody Allen’s early work, then it couldn’t possibly work.”
“Women in their 50s generally have more time and freedom. They’re more relaxed, especially if they’re empty nesters. We’ve both been through the hell of raising youthful kids and now we can drape out.”
“Women over 50 are the sexiest humans in the world. They’re in instruction of their bods, and in charge of what they want and need. They don’t care about spread marks or a few extra pounds — and neither do I. Besides, I’ve got a big gut, so who am I to talk?”
“Women in their 50s can be a little too anxious to get involved. Right after the very first date, they want you to meet their kids, their parents, their pets, whatever, without any regard to your convenience level. It feels rushed.”
“I’ve dated some divorced women in their 50s who are so bitter and angry toward their exes they can’t see straight. It’s hard to get close when she’s still fuming.”
“You can feel the desperation with some women in their 50s, especially if they’ve been single a long time or if they’re freshly divorced, or they want to get married.”
“If a woman tells me what to do with my kids, or gives me unsolicited advice, or criticizes my parenting abilities, I run for the hills.”
“Women who judge you based on how much money you make, or in my case, don’t make, is a deal killer.”
“I’ve met some women in their 50s who believe having hookup as quickly as possible is a way to ensnare a man and it’s not.”
Fellows who seek out and date women in their 50s do so because they WANT TO. Because they dig chicks who have a little more maturity and practice, because they love the mutual compatibility and sympatico you get with someone your own age, because there’s more freedom and joy, because women in their 50s are hot as hell, and I’m not talking about menopause.
Ladies, if you stay open to the possibilities, Attempt to have a good attitude, make peace with yourself, let go of fear and trouble, and don’t hop into the sack too soon, you’ll see that midlife dating doesn’t have to gargle or suck at all.
Unless you want it to, of course.
Guys and gals, what say you? What’s the state of your singles scene?